Good evening everyone..
The sound of the post is a bit..awkward isn't it? Did I get a new boyfriends ? Definitely no! It's today my heart feels like typing a post for myself.

I always though life could only be beautiful if the person is beautiful herself. Because of that, I  always look down on myself. I admit I'm fugly, idiotic and untalented. SO WHAT ? As Lady Gaga says it 'I was born this way' and there's no way of changing it. I have to learn how to appreciate myself more don't I, starting it with hard-core diet ! No, just kidding. I just can't do diet somehow. I've try alright, numerous times, but no changes. As my UPSR English tutor said, diet could only get you fatter. Because of myself, I can't be pretty no matter how hard I 've tried. But remember this, I SWEAR to you someday I'll be beautiful, I promise you that<winkwink>.
Ooookay..you can say this post as a Kuantan people says it " syoksendiri". As Pink says it 'SO WHAT !'

I don't have a talent or any special abilities. No matter how hard I tried everything just seem useless and a waste of time. For example the piano..I love it and yet I hate it. I love it because it makes me feel like crying everytime I hear it playing, it calms me down, it gives me hope and courage, it's sound is like my best friend,like I have a shoulder to cry on and yet I hate it so much because no matter how hard I'd practice I just can't play it right. Right now I'm hearing Sunny Choi playing just a dream and tears are gathering in my eyes.

I wonder how I'll turn with every passing year. Will I be rich? Beautiful ? or maybe just hopeless ? I'm just a small girl ( don't mention my size please) in a 'big big world' as Emilia says it. There are lots of obstacles to be faced with every beat of my heart. It's a harsh world. Can I survive without my family and friends. Eminem may say that 'I'm not afraid', sadly I am very afraid. Even at school I'm afraid by those comments about me they're always whispering about behind my back. I'm afraid that I may make the right decision, the right friend,the right move to live on. Can I survive in this confusing harsh world filled with war.

I may not turn out as the kind of daughter my parents wished for, but I'm trying my best to make them proud. I'm very rude I admit that. Sins showers me everyday no matter how much kindness I try covering for it. Friends betrayed me. Scars are a part of me reminding how disgraceful I am. Seeing people with a smile on their face makes me jealous. How can be so happy in this cruel world ? Don't they know the friends that they're laughing with mocks them behind ?Maybe it is just me whose experiencing this cruelty.

I've always been seen as " sombong " by others ans their first impression of me. It's because I used to be afraid of making friends and socializing. I always a million times before I try to act on something. I may still be the same , but I think that I might've changed a little. I smile a lot. Everytime I cry, I would look at myself in the mirror and smile. Eventhough it didn't make things any better but it felt nice looking at yourself smiling.It feels as if there's someone that is always be with you.

I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep, so I decided to change.Katy Perry tells me that I'm a ' firework' , Pink says I'm ' perfect'. So I'm trying to love myself here, so please treat me nicely <smileswidely> As you see my world revolves around music. Music builds me.Music makes me feel beautiful because Jesse McCartney he wants my 'beautiful soul' <winks> Music gives me love that I couldn't get. To me music is not only like a blanket that hugs me keeping warm and protected but also as 2pm says it, music is my 'heartbeat'. I can't live without it. As Jonas Brothers say it ' music is in my soul'. The person who is most likely I fall in love with is someone that could be my music. It just someone who can plays music especially the piano would make me fall in love with him.

But right now I have my own muse that is my friends. I know I've been hurting you guys a lot. Please forgive me.Most importantly thank you for being my friends. I love you all.
#You can ' count on me' when 'it will rain' and we'll share the same 'umbrella' xox
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